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0 comments | Friday, September 25, 2009

How come sometimes I almost pass out when I think about M? I think I overload my brain. hahaha
It must be the same sensation that takes my breath away. That interrupts my heart beats.

Gosh, sounds like he going to end up killing me!
(farthest thing from his mind, I'm sure)

It's thrilling to speak/think like that...~knowing~ that he surrounds me with (it's going to sound corny)...his love and vibes and ...everything! That he won't disappoint me. He won't betray me. That all of this is always the same even when he's not around. Wow, that's a powerful feeling. (pause ) That's an AWESOME feeling!

On another note, I keep wondering how much longer I can be a parent when I never even had a child. I'm not meant for this. I can love kids, I can love my nieces. But I chose not to have kids when I was 17 years old! I've KNOWN it for over half my life!

Why do I have to have one now?

That's not even mine. That is sullen most days and seems like the world is so effing bad (she really does mope around and talks all small...it makes me loopy...wake up! I want to say. Live! Be vibrant and exceptional and vivacious! Do it now before you become your own worst habit). I have said! I have told her what strengths she has and tried to get her involved in...SOMETHING!

The kid doesn't want to do anything! Sports, dance, work, art, music...nothing! I really think there is something wrong with her brain (I'm not kidding...I'm worried that she was affected by something when she was in her moms womb.) I still don't know who to believe. Shouldn't I KNOW one way or the other...an inkling? a suspicion? anything? I just don't think everyone is telling the truth. Well, actually someone is lying. One of them has been lying to me this whole time. To me, to the rest of the family, their friends, but worst of all to themself! I want a polygraph given for both of them. But I guess Canada has all these namby-pamby laws to protect against that (I said that in my head quite sarcastically, but really...at least it would answer some questions). me --> *googling purchase truth serum in Canada*

SIGH

posted by boho

at 6:36 p.m. Permalink

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