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Wednesday, July 29, 2009
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!!
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Wednesday, July 29, 2009
c'mere/go'way
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Saturday, July 18, 2009
Eeeeeeeeee! Only three sleeps now.
Gawd, I'm a mess...I go from getoverhererightnowIwanttojumpyou to omgwhatamIdoinghe'sastrangerandIdon'twantanycomplicationsinmylife.
[a.k.a. c'mere/go'way]
Both of us have imagined what will transpire at the airport. Who will see who first? How will it go? He said that's the only thing he can see in his mind. Not being in Calgary or anything else...just the airport. I told him, Me too. But that's a lie. I can picture him everywhere in my house: sitting across from me in the living, hanging out on the Happy Deck, making food in the kitchen, upstairs (!), walking on the pathways... I guess it's easier for me to picture him in the settings I am familiar with, but he can't see any of that because he hasn't seen any of it yet.
I can't help but see him everywhere.
You know, he's intimated that he wants to sell his stuff...perhaps move...I'm pretty sure he's talking about here. I mean, I'm no idiot...he's mentioned it enough in various forms. But what about working here...I mean, this is to say that we both know 100% in our hearts, minds, body and soul that we should be together, because that would all be one HUGE leap otherwise...how would he work here? He's not from a commonwealth country. Would CBE even consider hiring a foreigner above a Canadian?
(I'm sorry I have to say this/think this/agonize over this but [and I know he is NOTHING like RB...nothing] what if the situation is the same as it was with RB? I can not survive being accountable for another person. I can't.)
will he?
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Friday, July 17, 2009
does he really know what he is getting himself into?
do i look smaller on camera?
will he turn and run when he sees me? will he be unlike any man I have ... known?
will he?
will he show me that my flaws are quirks instead?
will he know me?
will he be someone that i can trust...my trust...REAL trust? will he?
can I show him what I am made of and will he still stand there?
will he show me that he adores me? (if he does)
can I have these expectations of a man I have never met? will he allow me to have them?
i hope he doesn't run away
dammit, i'm in like with him.
soon...
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Monday, July 13, 2009
One week from today, Dutch will be here. And I will have a mini-holiday. No niece. No job. No school. I can play the whole time!
Gawd! I still have so much weight to lose. Not happy about that. How can I expect someone to imagine what I will be like? Instead of just seeing me now? and think that's all there'll ever be? Frick! I'm getting there...working SO hard, especially in the gym. But I don't want this al to be a band-aid...I want this to be my lifestyle (again). Like it used to be. Healthy. Energetic. Sexual. Happy. Social.
i don't want to disappoint him. What if he thinks one way, but I'm the opposite?
what if he is amazing?
what if we are amazing?
--------
longest ever!
QUITE capable
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Friday, July 03, 2009
hahahaha
You'd THINK I'd be safe as Librarian.
But I got hurt doing that too.
A shelf slipped out as I was placing a book in and the whole shelf clunked into my arm...I would've called for help, but no one else is at work. I got the shelf back up and all the books were unharmed...all by myself.
(same as me, but I'm prettier hahahaha)
eerie
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Thursday, July 02, 2009
Crap! I have this intense unnerving feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like doom.
Me no likey.
